it's been slow-going

more lost boys

when the dreams of youth are proved foolish

there is no sadder day

for the very heart of a man that

sustained him, vitalized him and gave him movement

to face the insurmountable

to confront the easy for the good

this will come to nothing

and for he who has lost his light

whose heart is owned, and to whom has been

given and has received every good thing

to whom is told “there is no love here”

there is less pity

for when one goes, another may come

and springs may again rise in new pools

but the man that has lost 

been finally persuaded of the common end

no matter the effort

there is no return or consolation

only the silent helplessness as he hears

his own son

say the words he had said

while they were still true.

the lost boy(s)

Lately, I’ve been realizing that I am one of the last kids I know. It’s bittersweet to watch the transition from youth to adult, but it’s still something I’m in mourning for. It’s hard to leave after being the last one left in the room.

tonight I mourn, but just tonight

a hope comes with the sun

but deep within

what frightens is

that hope will never come

that hope itself is all facade

the victim soon to learn

the gradual slide

toward callous eye

that calls itself mature

and knowing this full well, I sleep

that sorrows youth may send

will fade with night

and by the light

the dream will lie, forgotten.

if I knew where I was going, I’d go

The hardest part of any piece of work is the very beginning. The canvas is all white, beckoning. All the options are laid out in endless array, and with one motion of a finger, a trillion possibilities are made possible or wiped out entirely. Unlike many people, this part scares me. So maybe all these words are meaningless and I’m just trying to decrease my anxiety by increasing wordcount.

Regardless, this is the part that is most necessary for me. Especially for me. It’s easy for me to turn away from the blank slate, literally overwhelmed with all the routes I could take. But like life I guess, it shouldn’t be walked away from. 

So here is my move to pick a path and move forward. I hope I like where I end up